Silence is a virtue
by alliecat1497
Summary: Edward left in New Moon but what if he left her to deal with the revenge of James alone?While Edward is gone Bella becomes deaf. How will Edward react to the news? Will Bella ever forgive Edward for leaving? My First fan-fic. Review please!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 BPOV

It's been a few months since the "accident" happened resulting in my loss of hearing. Not only did my hearing leave me, but so did _he_. My only love. My life has been on downward spiral since then. The doctors were baffled on my hearing loss, but I would never tell them what happened. I don't like to talk about the incident. If I did they would think I'm crazy. If I actually told them the truth that a nomadic vampire bent on revenge raped me then hit me so hard I lost my hearing they would put me in an asylum.

You could call me mute. It's not that I'm unable to talk it's just why would I? I have no reason to. I learned sign language but I choose not to communicate. Plus I'm uncomfortable talking and not knowing what I sound like. Everyone tried to get me to talk for a while before, until they realized i wasn't going to speak and stopped trying. Everyone knows I'm depressed and Iv'e done my best to hide it, but I know they see right throught it. I'm nothing but an empty shell. My body may be there but my mind mind and soul are no longer present. My world is just a big empty hole of nothingness. I think about him every day,I dream of him every night he never escapes me. I'm a little bitter towards him and his family for leaving me without a goodbye and unprotected ,but deep down I'm still in love with him and I still pray that he will come back and tell me everything he said he didn't mean ,but I know I'm just deluding myself. Why would he want me anyway? I lost my hearing and my innocence. I'm nothing but a broken whore.

It's his fault. He should have been there .He should of protected me, instead of running away. But after all of this I still can't bring myself to hate him fully. Because of them I have abandonment issues and I don't get too emotionally attached to someone because I fear them leaving me too and I just can't bear the hurt again. Part of me wants to forget him,but another part wants to hold on to him forever. I know if I ever meet another man in my life he will always be second best next to Edward. I often about things I will miss most; his soft caress, his soft kisses that bring my hear into a frenzy, staring into his love-filled topaz eyes, his mouthwatering scent and most of all, his velvety smooth voice as he hums my lullaby. Knowing that I will never again hear the enchanting lullaby, brings tears to my eyes.I just want evrything to go back to normal but hes never coming back. All I have left are painful memories of the love I thought was real. I was just a distraction to him;disposable. With that last thought I let my emotions take me and cry myself asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 BPOV

Every night I have the same haunting dream. My down fall is replayed detail for detail. So vivid; so real.

_ Edward leads me into the forest behind my house. He turns to face me and says "Bella I'm leaving and I don't want you to come with me". I beg and plead for him to stay but he just kisses my forehead and vanishes, leaving me alone in the forest. I can't believe this is happening. He really never loved me .I was just a distraction. That revelation brought on a round of hysterical sobbing. I was crying so much I needed to gasp for breath. After what seems like ages of crying I eventually calm down enough to be aware of my surroundings. Its pitch black and I hear my name being called but I don't care. I don't want to be found. I just want to lay here and be miserable in peace._

_ I jump at the sound of a branch snap behind me. The next thing I know I'm pinned on the ground by a dark figure .I try to break his grasp but at no prevail .the next noise I hear makes my heart stop; I hear a dark familiar voice laughing; James. He hits my left check with so much force I go flying several yards back into a huge oak tree. He runs vampire speed over to me where I lay frozen. In my head I'm screaming in pain and for help but the action isn't fulfilled by my body; no one can hear me. No one is coming to save me._

_ He pins me underneath him again and in a blink of an eye we are both naked. I finally get control of my body back and I beg and plead for him to stop but I'm no match for him, he will win so I just lay there and sob. He starts kissing me roughly on my neck and chest. I feel like my stomach churning. He enters me with so much force it's as if I'm being torn in two. The pain goes on for what seems like hours or maybe days but eventually dulls. I'm sore, bleeding and I think I have a concussion. But that's just physical, my wounds will eventually heal but emotionally I'm even worse .I will never forget this for the rest of my life; I'm broken. James then leans in and says "Now I know why Edward liked you so much your body is superb, one of the finest I've come across". I felt like I was going to be sick. I felt so dirty and I felt hatred, fear, abandoned and devastated all at the same time. I didn't know how much more i could take and then while James put on his clothes he said "It's been fun, but I have to get going and so you don't miss me to much I have a good bye present for you" and with those words he picked up my battered body off of the forest floor by my hair and punched in the right side of my head. I didn't even have time to scream before I was flying high through the air. I landed seconds later, what seems like miles from where I was before. My head came into contact with a rock and I remember my ears ringing so loud I couldn't even think straight. And then….nothing._

I woke up screaming, covered in sweat and breathless like every night. Screams are the only sound that ever escapes my lips. I don't need hearing to know that their loud, filled with agony and fear. Charlie doesn't even come in to check on me anymore. The dreams have been getting worse and worse every night. I have been getting even less sleep than the already usual 5 hours my nightmares have allotted me. I feel terrible because I know that Charlie doesn't get much sleep either on account of my thrashing and screams. I roll over to check the time, its only 4:30. I groan internally. I can never get back to sleep and lying in bed thinking is never good, my thoughts are filled with pain; my thoughts are my enemy.

I decided to go over to my dinosaur of a computer and see if I have any e mails from Renée. "You have 1 new message'' the screen flashes at me. It was from Renee, asking how I've been and telling me how things have been with Phil. I'm glad at least things with Phil are working out; I'm just happy she's happy. I write back the usual "I'm fine", "schools good" "say hi to Phil for me" and "I love you". I sent the email and shutdown the computer. I check the clock again hoping to have used a good portion of time; 5:00. I still have 2 hours until school starts, UGH. I find myself in this same situation every morning. I trudge to the bathroom and turn on some very hot water to hopefully soothe me. I slip off my pajamas and step in. I involuntarily moan as the hot water engulfs my body. I turn off the water and just relish in the peace that envelops me. Sometimes when I'm in here I like to think about the positives of no sound. No more annoying gossip, no more lectures and most importantly no more music. Music reminds me to much of _him._ Everywhere I go I see something that brings him to the fore front of my mind.

I'm brought out of my reverie with sharp shivers sent up my spine. That feeling brings back too many memories of him and I jump out of the tub and race out the bathroom not even bothering to grab a towel. I collapse on my bed and sob into my pillow for what seems like hours until I calm down enough to check my alarm for the third time this mourning; 6:30. Great now I'm going to be late. I rapidly threw on faded pair of blue jeans and a white knit sweater, combed my matted hair, put in my ugly hearing aid and ran down the stairs. I'm thankful I don't trip anymore. It is really true that when you lose a sense the remaining ones are heightened. In my case my balance has improved and I no longer trip. Even though I'm deaf, I still use the hearing aid for some very suddle background noise and it helps me read lips better. I grabbed a pop tart and choked that down while I frantically searched for my orange backpack. I put on my jacket, slung my backpack over my shoulder and make my way to my car. After the accident, Renee and Phil bought me a new car. Phil's baseball career took off so there was some extra money to spend. It's a blue Porsche. They felt better knowing I was in something safer than my truck. It's really nice, but I find it unnecessary. It has so many extra features that I never touch. However it does have a safety feature that alerts me if an emergency vehicle is coming or if a driver is using its horn; it's helpful to have a set of ears while driving.

I arrive just as kids are entering the school. I'm guessing the bell rang but it's not like I can hear it. I dart to 1st period and take my seat in the front. I have to sit in the front of the room because I refuse to have an interpreter and I have to be close to the person speaking if I want to read lips. Reading lips is how I'm faintly aware of conversations around me. I can only read lips if the person speaks slowly and is facing me, but normally that isn't the case. I'm lucky if I even understand a sentence, but who am I to ask these people to change their regular lives to accommodate my dysfunctional hearing. The day goes by agonizingly slow until it's finally time for lunch. I scurry off to the lunch room and sit at my usual table between Mike and Angela. I don't eat at lunch; I never really have much of an appetite so I normally close my eyes and bask in the quiet but today instead of quiet, Angela starts to sign "how are you Bella?" Angela is such a wonderful friend. She has been there with me throughout my break up and my hearing loss; she even learned to sign for me. It's good to know at least there are still some genuinely kind people left in the world. I sign back "alright, as usual, you?"

No one pays much attention to our signing anymore. At the beginning when I would sign I would get one of two looks; confusion and pity. The pity was the worst of the two; I don't want people to feel bad for me. The looks and all the staring were hard to get used to, I hate being the center of attention.

People have just now finally started to stop staring at me like I have two heads and have gotten over the fact that I'm deaf. And for that I'm grateful.

Angela signs back, "Good. But I'm worried about you. You're never happy. I want my friend back. I miss the old Bella from before the accident. You know I'm always here to talk if you need to.

I don't have a reply. I'm sick of everyone being so worried about me. And how can I be happy; I don't have my hearing, I lost my virginity to a blood crazed vampire, and the love of my life doesn't want me anymore and probably never will. I miss the old Bella too. The happy, carefree, clumsy, in love, blushing Bella was replaced by bitter, anti-social, depressed Bella a few months ago. I would love to vent my feelings to someone and get everything off my chest but its too risky to get Angela involved.

Angela realized I wasn't going to respond so she turned back into her seat and returned to eating her lunch. I love Angela because she doesn't push me like everyone else does; she knows when I've had enough. The rest of the day went by in a daze. I don't pay attention anymore in class; I don't have any motivation. My grades are terrible but why does it matter? Do getting good grades make my life any better? No. No college will want me so why bother?

I notice kids are starting to leave their seats so I take that as my cue that the final bell rang and it's time to go home. I gather my belongings and walk out into the parking lot. I run to my car to take shelter from the cold rain. The rest of the day plays out as usual I come home, ignore my homework, make Charlie dinner, take a shower and head to bed. Charlie and I's relationship has gotten even more distant. I just don't want to talk anymore. I know that Charlie is worried about me because I see it in his eyes; he wants to help me but he doesn't even nowhere to start.

Tomorrow is Saturday and I'm planning on visiting Phil and Renee in Jacksonville for a week. I didn't want to go but my parents practically begged me to go so I agreed. I think they want me to get away from forks for a little while; leave depressing memories behind. Part of me is actually looking forward to a little break. A week of heat and sunshine should do me some good. However I'm not looking forward to Renee and her conversations. Unlike Angela, my mother pushes me to have a conversation. I like having someone to talk to, but there are something's that are better left unsaid.

I wake up early the next morning; I didn't get any sleep last night. I head to the bathroom hoping a shower will wake me up. I use my favorite strawberry scented shampoo and shave my legs. I step out and wrap myself in a fluffy white towel. I head off to my bedroom and throw on a plain green tee, skinny jeans and my worn out converse sneakers. I brush my teeth and put my hair up in a messy bun. Since I won't be back for a while I make my bed. I have a very light suitcase since I don't have any clothes to accommodate the heat in Florida ,but I still have some of my old clothes there from before I moved to Forks. I drag my suitcase downstairs only to be met by Charlie in the front doorway.

Charlie signs "If we don't leave now you will miss your flight". I nod to him and carry my suitcase out to the car. I place it in the backseat and slide into the passenger's side. I see Charlie lock the door and head down the driveway. Charlie gets in the car and I feel the vibration of the cruiser's engine come to life. I decide to try and get some sleep during the hour car ride to the airport.

The slamming of a car door wakes me out of my slumber. I follow Charlie to a crowded ticket counter. When we finally reach the front of the line we are greeted by a plump middle aged woman with a nametag that read "Jean". She greeted Charlie with a bored expression on her face.

Charlie and she talked for a few minutes. The conversation wasn't worth me trying to decipher so I just took in my surroundings instead. There were people of all shapes, sizes and ethnicities. I could see businessmen on their blackberries, children sleeping in the hard plastic airport chairs, and many angry looking people yelling at the unfortunate employee to be at the post of the baggage claim. My thoughts are interrupted by a tap on my left shoulder. Charlie hands me my first class plane ticket. Renee insisted on first class even though I thought it unnecessary. It was a round trip ticket. I headed toward terminal 14 that was now boarding. I handed the lady my ticket and with a final wave to Charlie I was on my way to Florida.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 BPOV

I grabbed my carry-on and stepped of the plane and entered the airport. There was no air conditioning so I felt like I was in meat locker. Just in the airport I could smell car exhaust fumes you would never find in Forks. The sun was shining so bright it was almost blinding. I sift through a mob of people dressed in flip-flops, shorts and tank-tops to get over to the baggage claim. I sort through piles of suitcases until I find my faded, small red suitcase and make my way to the front of the airport to wait for Renee. I take a seat in the uncomfortable waiting chairs and close my eyes. But suddenly the feeling of being around so many people makes the claustrophobia kick in and my eyes immediately shoot open. I watch the housel and bustle for a few minutes before I see Renee heading towards me. Once she see my she starts running and yelling something I can't quite make out. I stand up to greet her to only be swept of my feet by my mother embracing my in a huge hug. I really did miss Renee. Renee and me look so much alike, the only difference is that her hair is shorter and the laugh lines that encompass her mouth. We pull apart and I see the tears threating to spill in her eyes. She helps me with my suitcase and walk out of the airport towards the car.

The whole thirty minute car ride I stare out the passenger side window and take in the clear blue skies and the delicate sway of the palm trees. We eventually pull up to a beautiful cream two-story house. It had maroon shudders and door. Along the side was a garden over-flowing with tulips, daisies, and lilies. Red colored, un-lit candles lead up the sand walkway to create a romantic feeling. I feel the ignition shut off and I step out of the car to retrieve my bag out of the trunk. I follow my mother up the walkway and into the doorway. I stop dead in my tracks. The inside is beautiful. My mother really out did herself. She was never able to afford to live this lavishly but I see is quite taken to it. I look at my mother and see a smirk across her face. She signs '' do you like it?Let me show you around." I nod to show my understanding and proceed into the gorgeous house.

I walk into a pale emerald room with two dull sofas positioned around an extravagant media center with a large plasma screen television inside. The carpet underneath my feet is a pristine white. All of the windows are open letting in warm salty air. The walls adorned photos of Phil and Renee at their wedding even a few of me when I was younger. The rest of the house consisted of a spacious modern kitchen, three large bedrooms, two and a half baths, a cozy den even an exercise room. Renee showed me to my room and helped me un pack. I was jet-lagged so I decided to take a well-deserved nap.

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><p>The week with my mother has been pretty uneventful. I was on the beach for most of the time, trying to soak up as much vitamin D as possible. We went shopping much to my demise and I went to a lot of Phil's practices. But my overall feeling of content was ruined when Renee wanted to ''talk''.<p>

_''Bella I hate to see you this way''_ my mother signed to me. _"Honey, it's been months, you have to move on and be happy.''_ How dare she tell me to move on, she has no right to demand that of me. _'' Look at what yourself, your eyes are empty. You're so pale and underweight. When was the last time you had a complete meal? Bella you can't ruin yourself over a boy. The world is full_ _of them just waiting for a beautiful girl like you to come along. Edward_ _lost_ _out on a wonderful girl. I wanted to argue that Edward only left because he_ was probably sick of my ordinary self always surrounding him_. _He was probably embarrassed of me. "_I signed back, '' I loved him mom. I still do. You just don't understand.'' _That made her angry I could almost see the smoke come out of her ears. _'' You think I wouldn't understand being in love at a young age. Bella I was in love with your father in high school. But when things with Charlie didn't work out I didn't sulk around like you are, I moved on and found love with someone else. That's all I want for you Bella, but you're not helping yourself.'' _I eventually stopped acknowledging my mother's presence and just let her rant.

After my mother was done telling me things I already was aware of I excused myself to bed. I decided to take a shower to unwind. I discarded my clothes and place them in the hamper by the towel rack. But I thought about what my mother said about me being deathly underweight. I didn't believe her, it's not like I was anorexic or anything I just wasn't hungry. I look in the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door and see my naked form; really see myself and I was horrified at what I was seeing. I could see every one of my ribs as the protruded out of my skin. My breasts were almost invisible. I can't believe I let myself get this bad. Part of me wants to weigh myself ,but I'm not strong enough yet.

Today after a rather awkward dinner, I ventured out to the little private beach and sat by the shore. I haven't spoken to my mother since our ''talk''. I put my head back and relished at the feeling of the cool sand between my toes. The beach is a great place to think. It strange how here my thoughts comfort me and don't destroy me on the inside. It's so quiet and serene it gives me a break from everyone and everything; peace. Tomorrow I will be heading on a plane back to forks. In a way it's almost bitter-sweet. I love spending time with my mother. This weekend was the first time in months that I actually smiled. It felt good to smile. My mother's childlike personality always makes me forget my worries. But I'm ready to go back home to Charlie. I have no idea what that man ate while I was gone, but I have a feeling that I will be finding a lot of takeout containers in the trash. I miss my bed a lot too. Late at night I see him on the right side of my tiny bed looking at me but even if this is the doing of my subconscious, he's still there and he's happy. I pay for the fantasy, when in the morning it proves to be just a cruel illusion but it's worth all the pain. I would do anything to see Edward again. Even if that meant harming myself then I would still happily do it.

I keep going over the conversation my mother and I had yesterday. Does no one understand that Edward was more than some high school crush? People think just because I'm young that I'm not capable of understanding, let alone feeling love. Edward is the other half of my soul. When he left, half of me packed up and disappeared too. But he did open my eyes to something I have overlooked all these months. Here I am suffering over him leaving and he probably forgot all about me. I never meant anything to him. He probably just led me on to get closer to my blood. STOP! Sometimes my mind would get ahead of me. Edward would never do that to me, right? When I looked into his eyes I saw love but maybe he is a much better liar than I give him credit for. My heart will always belong to him even if he doesn't return the feeling.

I want all the hurt to leave my body and my mind. I'm tired of the nightmares and the crying. My mom wants to see me happy again. But it's not just Edward that is killing me. It's the fact that James is still out there watching me from the shadows waiting to strike again. My own personal angel that would always protect me and shield me from all the dangers in life is gone without a trace.

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><p>I hated that my mother had to watch fall apart last night, but I just needed her to let me cry everything out. I've had so many feelings that just needed to be known and even at 18 I still need my mom to hold me and rub my back when I was upset. It was the first time in months that I've let my feelings bubble up to the surface. I was raw, vulnerable and scared. I don't remember how long I sobbed into Renee's shoulder but I do remember having blankets pulled up to my chin and a faint kiss placed on my forehead before I fell into a peaceful sleep.<p>

I woke up this morning feeling relieved. It almost felt like the hole in my chest shrunk a little. I changed into the new yellow sundress my mother bought me. I haven't worn any colors because it would be a lie. I was not bright or cheerful however this morning I decided to put my mother above me. She would be happy to see me wear it and who am I to be so selfish to sacrifice my mother feelings over my own.

I head downstairs for breakfast to find my mother at the stove flipping blueberry pancakes. All through breakfast my mother keeps tiptoeing around me like at any moment I would just burst into tears. I don't blame her for acting that way; I'm sure when she looks at me I'm just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. I even felt good enough that I ate all of my breakfast this morning. I am going to get a better hold of myself. Edward may have ruined me emotionally but I refuse to let him effect my body's well being too. I will try harder to bottle my feelings for everyone's sake. No one will have to see my empty being again. I will bury it so deep that I might even have a hard time finding it. I am the ''suffer in silence'' type anyway.

It's time to leave the warmth and sun behind and go back to my cocoon of clouds and rain. On the ride to the airport, for the second time in less than a year I say goodbye to the glorious warmth and once again prepare myself to say hello to my hell; Forks.


	4. Authors Note

**AN:**

Hey readers. Merry Christmas. I'm so happy with all the reviews and emails I've been getting. This really means a lot to me. Considering this is my first story I don't think I've been doing that bad. I'm just trying to develop as an author. But anyway, I hope to have chapter 4 up by Saturday at the latest. I want this chapter longer than the others. And don't worry all Edward lovers I hope to have him appear in the near future but what about another surprise appearance by James in chapter 4?

Yes? No? Leave me some comments on what you think. Luv ya-Allie


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, S.M does. Maybe I could rent it from her for the day. **

**Happy New Year**

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><p>I slept the whole plane ride from Florida to Port Angeles. It's Sunday so I have to go back to school tomorrow. Since <em>he<em> has been gone I have loved the distraction that is school. It gives me something to do instead of mope and think all day.

When we pulled up at the house I made a beeline for my Porsche. I can sincerely say that I missed it. You might think it's pathetic but most males would date their cars if they could. I could see Charlie giving me a worried and slightly amused look. I could feel the blush creeping up my neck and chest; I forgot I wasn't alone. With the little dignity I had left, I picked myself off the car grabbed my luggage and all but ran up the stairs to my room.

Tomorrow was going to be a long and tiring day. Tomorrow I would become a new Bella. I will stop showing my pain to everyone. I will eat at lunch and talk so that at least I appear normal. I also have a lot of work to catch up on if even want to think about graduating. I even got new clothes and make-up from Renee to try out too. Tomorrow I will go to school un-broken on the outside. I hate that I have to wear the new bright frilly clothes and smear gunk all over my face, but if that's what it takes to get people off my back then I will happily do it. It's going to be hard pretending that I don't ache all over and that I have a huge gaping hole in my chest that feels like it could burst at any given moment, but practice makes perfect .If I just keep up the charade it has to be easier, right?

I decided to unpack all of my new clothes and take a quick shower to get the airplane feeling off my skin. I try to sleep but my jet-lag catches up with me and makes rest impossible. I looked at my new clothes hung over my old rocking chair and realized that this is for the best. I hate seeing my parent's looks of pure pity and concern. I'm hurting Charlie and that I refuse to do anymore. How selfish can I get?

Tonight I actually want to think about him. I should take advantage of the alone time when I can actually just breakdown without the worry of someone overhearing. I think to myself how sudden life is. A few months ago I was happy. Happy? I don't even understand nor do I remember that emotion. It's gone. I don't blame it either. Why would it stick around, I'm a lost cause. I'm not worth it happiness. I hope it found someone who needs it; I reject happiness every time it tries to manifest inside of my empty heart. I was in love, on cloud-nine. It was the best summer anyone could have.

When he first left I blamed the universe for toying with me. I find something so amazing and wonderful and the universe cruelly snatches it away before I can even process it. But then I realized it was him. He left me alone in the woods to get beaten and raped. It was him. He should have just left me alone the first day he met me but no. He had to lead me on and cause me numerous amounts of pain. But maybe it was my fault. I don't blame him for growing bored of me; I'm so plain it's almost disgusting. Maybe he grew tired of having to save me constantly. Maybe he thought of himself more as my babysitter than my boyfriend.

My head was filled with what ifs, why's and maybe's. I eventually tuned out the voices in my head and found the darkness waiting to consume me in what I hoped would be a dreamless sleep.

I woke up early again as per usual. I hopped out of bed and immediately shivered at the cold air now exposed to my warm body. I looked out my window to see that Charlie already left for the station.

Now I have to get to work perfecting my appearance. I have never been the most confident person but maybe this makeover will improve it. I do my morning routine in the bathroom and head back in my room to start my hair by straitening it; I never used a flat iron but my hair does look good. I move on to my make-up. I apply a coat of mascara on my lashes and try not to poke out my eye with the eye-liner. I apply some light brown eye shadow to my lids and finish off my face with some loose powder. For my outfit I choose consists of a faded blue jeans, a long maroon tank-top, black cropped leather jacket and black lace boots that go up mid-calf. I actually look in the mirror for the first time in months and when I look at my reflection I can hardly believe that's me. I look good maybe even considered pretty. I have to scurry out the door if I don't want to be late. I just hope my plan takes effect; I don't have a plan B so it's all or nothing.

Today was probably the longest day of school yet. As soon as I stepped out of the car this morning I swear I could practically hear the whispers. I got compliments on my appearance all day but there were some bad side effects. I was stared at all day which made me want to bury myself in some hole and if I wasn't a stare it was a menacing glare from Jessica or Lauren. I was asked out 4 times today and of course I turned them down. Angela was the only person who seemed curious about my sudden attitude change but she never brought it up. It took a lot of effort to appear unbroken. I already feel drained and I still have chores to do at home.

I parked my car and briskly walked onto the porch. I unlock the door and I have to literally pry it open because of the sticky lock, hang up my wet coat and start cleaning up the pig sty that has become the living room. In the past few months I have huddled up in my bed only coming out to go to school or to use the bathroom. But without my constant maintenance the room looks like a bomb has gone off; there is dust covering everything in a thick coating, the floor could use a well-deserved vacuuming and there are old newspapers spilling off the coffee table onto the floor. I internally scold myself for letting things get this bad.

It takes me an hour, but I eventually finish tackling the living room and move on to the kitchen which I can already guess is in no better shape. I wipe down the counter top and make my way to the overflowing sink full of dishes. I dive in and I only have one knife left to wash but with my terrible luck I end up accidently making a small cut on my wrist.

I looked down at the cut. It wasn't bleeding badly .It stung a little, but I felt something else….relief? The physical pain lessened the emotional pain I was feeling. I could actually take a deep breath without worrying about coming apart at the seams. I was intrigued with this new knowledge. Maybe there was a way to cope. I finished putting the dishes away, wiped off the knife and hurried up the stairs to the bathroom. I spotted the alcohol in the medicine cabinet and applied a tiny amount on the cut. I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from cursing. Once again the pain from the alcohol diminished my eternal ache and release flooded my whole being.

I heard Charlie pull in the driveway and all but felt as I raced into my bedroom. I knew he would freak out if he saw my cut, even if it was minor. He would probably grow suspicious if he saw my cut but I might just be paranoid. If Charlie ever figured out about my cutting he for sure would either send me back to my mothers or some sort of teen recovery center.

I stay in my room for the rest of the night assuring Charlie that I'm just tired when in fact I'm pondering over todays occurrences. My appearance today was the talk of Forks High. Everyone said how nice I looked so the plan must be working. That eased my worries somewhat but what about the cutting. Did I just enjoy causing myself physical harm? I know the risks of such dangerous behavior but the satisfaction I felt is the only thing going through my mind. I felt complete and utter bliss with a small cut I wonder what a larger slash would feel like, but would I risk doing it again?


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight that belongs to S.M but I own this awesome story.**

**Hi everyone it's me Allie and I hope you like the new chapter. I worked extra hard on it. But please review because I want you guys to be a part of the story. I've only got a handful of reviews and really want your comments; they really bring a smile to my face . So without further ado here's chapter 6.**

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><p>It's been a week since my last cutting incident. I'm still trying to process it. I would have never thought of intentionally hurting myself but it was just so calming on my mind that I don't care. I have been searching for a way to quiet my mind and it's finally here. Maybe not in the way I would have ever considered but I found it and that's all that matters, right? I already have this profound hunger for the knife and it scares me that I'm going to loss control; that alarms me most. Things have been just so hectic lately. And I'm so desperate for relief.<p>

Charlie has been on my back even more, if that's possible, since my body makeover. I think he sees right through it but he hasn't said anything so I guess I'm just being paranoid. And a new breakthrough at the hospital could possibly renew my hearing. The doctor said that they would be replacing my eardrum during a short surgery and slowly the hearing would resurface. Charlie has been excited for the chance but I'm not so sure. Inquiring sound again kind of scares me. I've grown accustomed to silence it in the little time I've been stricken with it and I'm afraid of losing the quiet and solitary conditions this abnormality has brought me. I can still remember what most thing sound like but others have fallen silent even in my memories.

I enjoy my solitude from the outside world. If the surgery is as success people will assume me to speak again and that won't be happening. Not speaking is my choice hearing or not hearing will not sway my resolve. Edward is the only hope for me to speak again and that might be to just curse at him for doing this to me. And what if the sound is too much and I can't handle it? Once I receive it there's no going back, unless James throws me against another tree.

James.

I have completely neglected him in my thoughts. It's been a while since his last encounter and I can't help, but cringe at the thought of him. That cold night in September is forever burned into my memory; I will never forget, his fierce hold me, his deep and menacing voice that sent my skin crawling and his eyes. Eyes that torment me in my dreams. Dark, scarlet, cold and murderous eyes that have sent me into panic attacks. I wonder if he's been watching me. I don't know if I could relive another attack from James or even Victoria. I never really paid attention to her in the baseball clearing but, she is undeniably a predator with her cat like limbs and blazing red hair. To live in constant fear like this is agonizing, part of me just hopes that next time there's an attack comes they just kill me instead of me having to suffer through the consequences. But I can only be optimistic that James forgot about me and became infatuated with another human, but I know that he lives just to see me in pain, him and everyone else in the world.

My surgery to replace my torn eardrums is tomorrow. I didn't think it would be so soon but the hospital had an opening so we accepted. And by we, I meant Charlie. I haven't had enough time to wrap my head around the whole concept of surgery and sound. It's just too much too fast and sends my head spinning just trying to understand it. The doctor assured me that the surgery would go off without a hitch but there is still a chance that the surgery won't work. The odds of success are stacked in my favor but knowing how unlucky I am something is bound to go wrong.

My surgery is the talk of the town; everyone at school has come up to me congratulating me or wishing me luck. I don't deserve their kindness to me; I'm not worth it. My makeover has brought me a new found popularity much to Lauren and Jessica's demise. I never asked for it, hell I never wanted it. I've been asked to about 4 parties and that's tiny in comparison in the amount of dating proposals I've gotten but I turned everything down. I've never had any use for parties and I'm most certainly not ready to date when I'm still trying to get over my latest heartbreak. If I ever get over it.

As I pack my bag for the hospital I am contemplating just running away and never looking back. How much easier would life be, if I just lived in exile where I could just wallow in myself misery?

The hospital reeked of cleaners and the sick; I was immediately nauseas. God I hate hospitals. You would think that I would get used to them considering how the whole of the staff know me by name but every time I step foot in here it's like I'm being suffocated. I am escorted to room 314 by a middle-aged woman with cropped dirty-blonde hair wearing Looney tunes scrubs. The hospital room was clean and bare. Two beds were placed in the center divided by a flimsy blue faded curtain. There was a lone worn dresser in the corner plus an out dated TV is mounted on the wall. At least I don't have to share the room. I left Charlie at the check-in desk assuring him that everything was fine and that I would see him tomorrow after the operation.

I got settled in with the little belongings I brought and a nurse came in about 6:00 with a tray of food. I looked at her in disbelief. Did she really expect me to eat this? Hospital food is so nasty and seeing as I've been here so often much to my distaste I've had to torture my taste buds with this excuse of food many times. I thank her for the unappetizing food and as soon as she is gone I make a beeline for the trash basket beside my bed.

My surgery is scheduled for early tomorrow morning so I was advised to rest but I just can't rest. I'm so nervous that I have to bolt for the small attached bathroom before I empty the contents of my stomach all over the shining linoleum floor. I hunch over the bowl unable to control my dry heaves. The toilet bowl reeks of bleach causing more heaves to emanate from my body. I'm just so exhausted that it was a chore to get off the bathroom floor. I dragged myself to bed still in my clothes. The bed was lumpy after the burden of many bodies and the sheets were faded and scratchy. My exhaustion is so pronounced the second my head hits the pillow I fall into slumber.

I awaken at the feeling of someone undressing me. The nurse from yesterday is tying my hair in a bun and fitting a cap over it and tying my hospital gown closed. My nurse then pushes me into the operating room where my surgery will happen in a matter of minutes. The attendants waste no time in hooking me up to several machines that I have no idea of what their purpose is. To my left is a metal table filled with, what looks like torture instruments which makes me a little nervous. The nurse to my right put some kind of mask on me and said "Bella, were going to be putting you to sleep for the procedure, ok? Now I need you to count backwards from 10; 10…9….8…7…6, I can feel sleep tugging me and I give in. Last thing I heard was 4 before I blacked out.

I woke up dazed and disoriented. My head is pounding so hard it feels as if any wrong move and it could explode. My body was achy from lying in this position for God knows how long. But where am I? Ok think….cleaning fumes, bright florescent lights…..hospital. I had surgery on my ear drums. Did it work? I still don't hear anything, maybe it just takes time for it to kick in. But I shouldn't worry too much I'm sure everything went fine I just have to focus on opening my eyes. The lights are blindingly bright but I prevail and open my eyes just above slits. I'm in a different room than the one I was in originally my guess is that I'm in the recovery ward. I stretch my stiff joints and confronted by Dr. Owen entering through the open door. I sit up, propping myself up on a pillow while trying to tame the rats nest that has become my hair. Dr. Owen pulled up a chair and strattled it as he sat.

"Bella", he began, "I have some bad news regarding your surgery."

I sat there stunned as he continued,

"When we went in to repair your ear we saw that your eardrum is crushed, almost as if it's nonexistent. We are so sorry but we couldn't repair your eardrum."

The doctor kept speaking but I wasn't listening anymore. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't do that here not with people around; I would be weak if I did that and the one thing I've learned is not to show weakness. I think the doctor realized I wasn't going to acknowledge him and left the room with one final apology. I don't know if I'm mad or sad. But right now I want to take his apology and shove it somewhere the sun don't shine. A while later the nurse comes in to help me get dressed out of the hospital gown

I meet Charlie by the check-in desk just like yesterday. Yesterday; seems like ages ago. Yesterday had possibilities, opportunities, hope, but now there is nothing. I head straight to the car unable to look into the pitying stare of my father. I just want to go home and forget everyone and everything.

I'm so devastated. Can't anything go right? All I want is the knife, that's all I need. I feel like I can't get home fast enough even with the short distance it takes to get home. I'm antsy and fidgety. I feel claustrophobic in this little car and I'm about to scream If I don't get out soon. Charlie doesn't say a word to be the whole way because he knows I'm not listening and honestly I don't care what he has to tell me because I know that it's wrong and won't make a difference. I'm hopeless.

I jump out of the cruiser as soon as it entered the driveway not even waiting long enough for it to come to a halt. I am thankfully welcomed by an unlocked door which I rip open and sprint towards the kitchen counter. I take the biggest knife out of the cutting block and haul it up to the bathroom. As soon as I engage the lock I start to assault my wrists. Big gashes, little gashes all adorn my forearms. The feeling of the blade piercing my skin is pure enchantment. I have been holding this off for far too long.

I faintly register vibrations rolling off the door but I'm too wrapped up in my bliss to care at this point. I no longer have the strength to stand so I crumple to the floor in a heap still clutching the bloody knife. I can feel myself slipping away and relish in the idea that all this pain will final cease. I taste the warm salty tears cascading down my face and pooling inside my parted lips. I can smell blood everywhere but somehow I'm not sick at the stench instead it brings me a sense of gratification. My vision is getting hazy and all I can make out is the ray of light streaming in under the door from the hallway. I can feel the vibrations increase as I slip more towards unconsciousness. The annoying vibrations suddenly stop and I can finally sleep. Much to my dismay the bathroom door is kicked down by a sweaty and frazzled Charlie. The last thing I remember is being transferred into Charlie's lap and wetness seeping into my scalp before the darkness overcame me.

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><p><strong>So there it is. Hopefully that will keep you guys at bay for a while. I hope it met expectations. <strong>


	7. Chapter 7

Hi party people! I've been writing non-stop all night to finish this chapter for you. It's the longest so far and this chapter has a lot in it. I also want to say the reviews have been ok but they could be better. And just to clear up confusion; if I say that someone is speaking to Bella what I mean is that Bella is reading their lips but not actually hearing their voice. And one final thing, I was in search of a Beta-Reader so if anyone is interested please message me.

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><p>The blackness wasn't peaceful nor was it restful. I am extremely exhausted and confused. I don't remember coming to the hospital. Wasn't I just here? I have this strong sense of Déjà vu but I can't place it. My whole body aches from fatigue and stiffness. I'm nestled so tightly in a cocoon of scratchy blankets that I might pass out of lack of oxygen if I don't escape its confines. My head is throbbing so intensely I can practically feel my brain ramming its self against my skull. It takes all the strength I can muster to escape my blanket prison.<p>

I try to relieve some of my achiness in my muscles by stretching but I'm restricted by an IV that's implanted into my arm.

God I hate needles.

You would think that after all this time in hospitals that I would have gotten over my phobia of needles however that is not the case. I don't think you can ever grow to like a needle, that's why, thank God, I'm not a diabetic.

I immediately try to pull out the impenetrable sticker but I'm stopped when I realize my right wrist is secured to the bed rails and it isn't coming loose no matter how hard I struggle.

Am I restrained to the bed?

Panicking, I prop myself up on my elbow and look down to find my suspicions confirmed; my right wrist is bound to the bed rail by a rough, bloodstained rag. I start trying to pull my way free but alas the rag won't budge. Much to my horror my arms are riddled with gashes. Some are stitched closed while the smaller hesitation wounds have already started to scab over. People will think I was attacked when in fact I purposely caused myself harm. I never thought of the long term effects of cutting; I will always have the scars.

Now I understand why they only bound me in a rag; I'm not strong enough to break free of a little rag, so extreme measures like handcuffs or actual people holding me down wouldn't be necessary. I'm already exhausted from that minimal amount of physical activity.

Why am I tied to begin with?

I don't remember putting up a fight, but I really don't remember much to begin with so I haven't the faintest idea.

But there's not just the IV there's a heart monitor, oxygen tube stuck up my nose and a load of other wires and tubes connecting me to an army of machines. I wanted so much to rip out the foreign objects manifesting in my limbs but I couldn't for two reasons: 1. my arms are still restricted to the bed and 2. Even if I did have access to my arms the doctors would know I'm resisting and probably keep me longer in this god forsaken place. And strangely enough there's a strip of gauze encompassing the entire top of my chest, from the top of my breasts to the bottom of my ribs.

I wonder where Charlie is; he's probably angry and doesn't even want to look at his disappointment of a daughter. Is he even here? My father, who has always loved me, even if he had a hard time showing it had to watch his only daughter almost bleed to death on the bathroom floor. I wouldn't be insulted if he never wanted to speak to me again. What I did was stupid and inexcusable and the fact that Charlie had to witness it was even more careless on my part.

I glance around the hospital room to find nothing but a worn faux leather couch positioned underneath the window and a tiny white bathroom to the left side of the room. My old hospital room at least had personality; this was guarded, almost as if color, even faded, would be dangerous to my health. I'm stuck here and bored out of mind with nothing to do but stare at the wall or the brick wall I can see from a neighboring building out the window. Brick wall or white wall, I can hardly contain my excitement.

I pick the white wall and spend my time becoming familiar with every crack and chip of paint the wall harbors. Eventually in the corner of my eye I see the door gingerly open and a plump brunette woman shimmies her way into the room. She scans the room before her dull and tired eyes meet mine. Surprise refuges on her highly feminine features as she walks across the room to an intercom I never noticed before and she purposely turns her back to me so I can't make out what she's saying. She starts approaching the side of my bed when she finishes her secretive conversation. She starts to check the machines and my vitals but makes no move to untie me.

Ugh this is so frustrating.

Can't she see me struggling?

She gives me a remorseful glance as she exits with the same carefulness as she came.

The doctor walked in a few minutes later, more confidently than the nurse and reached for my clipboard at the foot of the bed. He scanned it rather quickly before he returned it back to its resting place and gave me his full attention.

I nudged my head in the direction of my wrists in an effort to get him to release my limbs from their uncomfortable confines. Realization dawns on him and he quickly unties me. I rub my wrists in an effort to lessen the ache and roll my wrists a few times until I'm satisfied that their as painless as possible.

I stare into my doctor's eyes to portray the gratitude I feel, he seems to understand because he says, "I was only doing my job. You know you gave us quite a scare there Isabella, you lost a lot of blood. You were lucky your father found when you did or you wouldn't have made it. Can I ask what you were trying to accomplish yesterday?

I look at him with my eyebrows raised, silently saying, "Stupid question to ask a deaf and mute girl.''

I didn't know what was going on through my head. I was a jumbled mess of anger, devastation and longing. The whole in my chest ripped open and was suffocating me. I couldn't breathe and I could barely tell my feet to take me upstairs to the bathroom to cut in solitude.

He chuckles to himself, "My apologies what an ignorant question to ask. Well let me introduce myself, I'm Dr. Ramierez and I will be your doctor for your remaining recovery period here. I'm sorry you had to be tethered like that it's just percautionary for suicide patients such as yourself. It's just for the saftey of our staff as yourself.

That doesn't make any sense. I wasn't trying to kill myself. I just wanted some peace.

"You have done extensive damage to your forearms and luckily you just barely missed some of the major arteries located there. You wounds will take a while to heal, taking into consideration the depth of your injuries."

He pauses for a moment before he begins again, "I don't think you're aware of this but Isabella you suffered an acute heart attack; the cause was from copious bleeding exiting your body. We had to do some mild surgery but your heart should make a complete recovery with proper rest and prescribed medication. This isn't to be taken lightly, a girl of your age and weight should not be suffering from such medical problems."

He finishes his diagnosis and starts to make his way out of the room when he grasps the door handle, he turns to me with his final departing words " I'm going to leave you to your thoughts now, I'm sure you could use a little time to yourself to process all this new information. Remember that your restraints can easily be put back on if the need arises, please don't break my trust like that. Oh and your father is downstairs in the waiting room; I'll send him up soon; he's been very worried about you."

And with that he left.

And I cried.

I screamed.

I was completely delirious with hurt.

I can't even fathom the fact that I, an 18 year old girl, had a heart attack.

Why does everything go wrong?

Maybe the universe is punishing me by evading death so many times. How much easier would it be if I just accepted fate and was killed by Tyler's van.

I cried out all of my tears and was wavering on the point of passing out but I had to be awake for when Charlie comes to visit. That's the least I can do for him.

My back is to the door but I can feel his presence. I open my eyes to the familiar face of my father. He looks tired and as if he could collapse; I'm sure my face isn't that far off. He gets down on his knees so he's eye level with me , grabs my tiny hands in his and says, "I'm so disappointed in you, and how could you do this Bella; to me, your mother, yourself." "I'm such a failure to you. I should have seen the signs. I love you Bella. You're my world and I hate what you've become. But mark my words you are going to get better if that's the last thing I do; I'm not burying my baby."

His words were spoken with true love, devotion, and conviction. I knew he was crying. I wasn't worth his tears so I refused to look at him. I might sound like a huge Bitch but I didn't want to see my father like that and especially because I initiated it.

Those words broke me. I can take him fuming, sad, or panicking, but disappointed was the hardest to deal with. That was an emotion I didn't think I would ever have to see in Charlie's eyes. Was he disappointed in the cutting, the fact that I felt I had to do it or just because I didn't talk to him about it? I don't have the courage yet to face my father let alone ask him which of his only daughter's selfish acts let him down the most.

They had to keep me in the hospital for a week. I pleaded with them to let me go home, but they said it was mandatory for me to stay; translation: we need to make sure you don't go home and succeed in killing yourself.

How sweet of them.

They even put me on suicide watch; I wasn't trying to kill myself I just wanted to sleep, but I'm sure every suicidal person says that so of course they wouldn't believe me. Nurses were in and out of my room regularly. They claimed they were just checking the IV but I knew they just wanted to be certain I wasn't trying to strangle myself with the bed sheets. I even had to be with the door open like an untrustworthy child.

Charlie visited me every day but we didn't speak; there was nothing to say. Even if I could form a coherent thought, it would be useless because nothing I say could make up for my atrocious behavior.

By day 5 in the hospital I was about ready to lose it. I think the bleach fumes infiltrated into my brain and are making me have delusions because I swear I saw someone staring in at me through my window but that could just be the pain medication talking.

Every day after lunch they would send in a counselor to "help me come to terms with my issues". And every day I wouldn't even acknowledge her, you might think I'm being a bit childish but I have never believed in therapy. I think venting your problems to a trained stranger whose one job in life I to find out what's wrong with your brain isn't very comforting. My therapist said that we can talk when I'm ready which will be never so I hope she isn't holding her breath.

I'm finally released after I served all of my required 7 days and I f I had the energy I would be jumping up and down with joy. I haven't showered in days and my homework has been piling up. I'm itching to get home to get back into my routine again and put this behind me.

Surprisingly at home everything is in order and clean. I didn't think Charlie was capable of such sanitation. When I first arrived here to live with him you could totally tell a single man lived here. It had this odor about it that wasn't unpleasant but wasn't really welcome in my nostrils, I did my best to get rid of it but it infested itself into the furniture so I stopped trying to evict the hearty scent.

Charlie dropped me off at home and zipped to the local Pharmacy to pick up my many prescriptions. I haven't been fully alone in a week and this feels almost too good to be true. I'm actually surprised Charlie left me alone for any period of time. He has more faith in me than I deserve.

I have to crawl to even get up the stairs to take a well awaited shower. I can see into the bathroom and I just stop. The bathroom looks so shiny I'm almost hesitant to contaminate it with my filth. Charlie must have cleaned up my blood spillage. I can't help but wonder what he did with the knife I used in my self- mutilation.

I spend an eternity in the shower until I'm satisfied that the hospital is washed off my skin. Charlie tucked me in. I didn't fight him on it either it felt good to bask in in the parental love he was emanating. He gave me my meds and I slept undisturbed all night.

I didn't beg and plead to Charlie to let me get back into his cruiser and take me home, instead I accepted the inevitable. I had to go here so instead of crying and screaming I walked in the doors with my head held high hanging on to the little dignity I had left. I didn't look back at Charlie because if I did I would burst into tears. School was going to suck. Charlie didn't try to calm me by saying that everything would be alright because he and I both knew odds are it wouldn't.

My "suicide attempt" was the talk of the school. In a small town like this everyone is up to date on everyone else's dirty laundry. Now I wasn't just a freak, I was a suicidal freak; better yet, I was a failed suicidal freak. As soon as I stepped foot in the school I was bombarded with people talking way too fast for me to even read their lips so I just ignored them and shrugged every now and again. All day I got finger pointing and I could practically hear the whispers. I didn't bother to keep up my new appearance; they already knew it was a lie so why stick with it. I wore comfortable baggy, dark clothes; the perfect reflection of my mindset.

They don't even try to hide the fact that their gossiping about me even when I'm 3 feet from them. I might not be able to hear but I'm not stupid enough to not realize you talking behind my back. I hate that if your deaf people assume that you are mentally incapable. For years people have belittled me, they would always ask Renee and Charlie questions instead of asking me directly. The disability is in my ears not in my brain.

The rumors were almost humorous; I couldn't stifle the internal laugh that overcame me. Some said I jumped off of a cliff, others said I shot myself with one of Charlie's riffles. I have no interest in talking to anyone about the cutting; they just wouldn't understand. I just wanted complete silence in my head and I ignored it until I almost killed myself achieving it. I don't think I'll be cutting again. I lost control just like I feared and almost lost the few meaningful things I have left. I can't hurt myself again; I have to think of Charlie and Renee. I've already caused Charlie enough grief and stress for a life time.

All I coulkd think about all day were the words Charlie spoke to me the day I woke up, "I'm so disappointed in you".

Those words were my wake up call. I've been lying and hiding my feelings from everyone and all it caused was heartache. His words cut through me like a knife. I failed one of the only people in the world who truly loves me. He had never said that to me before and he wouldn't do it unless he felt it to be necessary.

School wasn't as bad as a thought it would be but It still sucked. I came home, made a dent in my enormous amount of make-up work, cooked dinner for charlie, showered and went to bed. I've been waiting for bed all day. The new medication the doctor put me on has made sleeping so much more enjoyable.

I walk into school the next morning as normal but I sense... distress?

Staring to me is normal but, this is ridiculous. It's like there waiting for me to break. I decided to just shrug it off, it's probably nothing. I go to class as normal and all day people keep staring. Ok this isn't just coincidence something happened, something bad. In their eyes there's shock, pity, sadness even a few people show anger. As soon as I look them in the eye they turn away.

After fourth period I walk into lunch and sit at my usual table. I keep my head down and stare at an indent in the table as if it had all the answers. Angela taps my shoulder, I flinch by surprise. Ever since the rape sudden contact scares me. Angela knows how I stray from as much contact as possible; she hasn't asked me questions or pry, she respects my privacy and my feelings.

She signs "Bella I'm so proud of you, your handling this so well."

I sign back, "What are you talking about? Do you know why everyone is staring at me?'' Normally I wouldn't directly communicate but this staring is putting me on the brink of a full meltdown.

She looks at me in utter disbelief "You haven't heard? Bella, Edward is here, in Forks. The rumor is they moved back sometime while you were in the hospital."

I froze. He's back. No, there is no way he's here. This has to be some sick joke. He said he was never coming back, why now? I feel sick. He'll probably be at school tomorrow with the rest of his family and I can't face them. Now I understand the constant staring. Everyone wanted to see how I would handle the news. Everyone at school knows that Edward broke up with me and that night was when I lost my hearing. I think they hold him responsible. I mean it wasn't directly Edward's fault. Sure he left me in the woods but he didn't have James rape and torture me.

My thoughts are going so fast I ponder if I could get whiplash. I can't handle this; I have to get out of here before I have a panic attack.

As if Angela could sense my internal monologue, she takes my hand and escorts me to her car. Charlie brought me to school; trying to reason with him that I'm more than capable of driving my car is pointless, I got my stubbornness from him after all. The whole way to the parking lot I folded in on myself. I couldn't do anything, I didn't care about anything; I didn't care that people were pointing at me or that Angela had to literally drag me down the crowded halls filled with kids who wanted a good look, so they could brag later about how they witnessed my demise firsthand.

My body is on lock-down. I'm vaguely aware of exiting school and getting in Angela's used compact Toyota. I don't recall the ride home; I was too wrapped up in my thoughts. I was so…..? I don't even know. I'm angry, sad, depressed, betrayed, confused and part me wants to be happy all at the same time. I just need some time and the confines of my bedroom.

Can't Angela go any faster?

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><p>So there you have it. Remember to review and I'll see you again next week.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight but I wish I did.

Ok everyone I'm back. Sorry about the long wait, I am a freshman in high school after all and I had mid-terms last week. But I got my grades back and I did amazing so I'm extra happy. Thank you for all the reviews and e-mails.

Ok now on with chapter 8.

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><p>BPOV<p>

I've been hauled up in my room for two days now. I've been in the same position since Angela dropped me off on Thursday. I haven't eaten, slept or bathed in days. I probably should rethink the last one considering it's starting to smell like something died in here.

I keep praying that Thursday was just a bad dream, which could be a possibility considering all the nightmares I have, but all the frantic text messages from Angela proves that likelihood a mistake. I just want to disappear from existence. I'm not ready to deal with this; three days just isn't long enough to come to terms with all of the new developments in my life.

Charlie has been poking his head in and out periodically. I think he's afraid I'm going to harm myself again. I promised him and myself that I wasn't ever going to cut again. Being so out of control and dependent on it really made me realize that I needed to stop before it became an addiction. But just because I said I was never going to do it aagain doesn't mean that I don't still crave it.

I've stopped taking my medication. I've been hoarding them under my pillow so I don't raise suspicion with Charlie. The black fog unnerves me. It's so thick I'm almost as if it swallows me whole. And the nightmares have even managed to get worse, if that's even possible. I know if Charlie finds them he's sending to a clinic for good so now I have to be extra secretive. Normally I can tell the difference between reality and fantasy, but here, in the darkness, everything comes to life. I even fear that they might murder me in my sleep. That's why I try to evade sleep at any cost. I can't let my subconscious trick me especially now when I'm trying to make sense of the problem at hand.

He's been very understanding for the past two days. On Thursday, he must have gotten suspicious when he came and didn't have dinner waiting for him; there's always dinner waiting for him. He came up to my room probably expecting the worst because when he saw me he was still worried, but I could see the relief on his face. He slowly approached the side of my bed and knelt down so our eyes met. His eyes were pleading with me to confide in him.

I lowered my gaze and told him.I told him that the Cullen's were back. I told him how they would be at school tomorrow and I begged him if I could stay home tomorrow since it would Friday and I could at least have the weekend to figure out what to do.

He signed back a hesitant yes. He didn't want to agree to me being a coward and I escaping my problems, but he knew I was hurting. He didn't like the idea of Edward resurfacing almost as much as I did. He knew Edward was the reason I was so depressed all the time.

Depressed putting it lightly.

I returned my gaze from his hands to his eyes and I was truly scared.

Charlie's eyes were black and hard. I didn't see my awkward father who used to play hide and seek and give me piggy-back rides as a child.

He wanted to kill.

I practically had to drag him away from the front door when he claimed he just wanted to "talk" with Edward. I didn't need my father to fight my battles; I was a big girl and that's when I knew hiding and running away from the problem was childish.

I'm going to face Edward tomorrow hold my ground and stay strong.

Cullen's are here in Forks.

Edward is here in Forks.

Everyone knows.

Tomorrow is going to suck.

I woke up Monday morning feeling sick. I scarcely made it to the bathroom in time to empty the scare amount of content out of my stomach. What a great way to start the day.

Since I'm already in the bathroom I brush my teeth and take a scorching hot shower. I dress simply but nice since this will be the day I see the Cullen's and I don't want them to think that I let myself go because of their absence; which is exactly what happened but they didn't need to know that. I'm far too nervous to eat so I just head out. I run to my car to escape the path of the cursed rain drops.

I pull into the school parking lot, practically shaking in anxiety, fear and anger. I catch sight of the famous Volvo and park as far away from it as possible. How many days I've dreamed it would appear in this very place and now I'm running away from it.

Ironic isn't it.

I park as close to the school's main entrance as possible, just in case I need to make a speedy getaway. I get out of the car to see Angela already leaning against the passenger side door. I walk over to her trying to reign in my nerves so the whole student body didn't witness how tense I was.

Angela takes my face into her tiny hands so I have to look at her and says, "He's in there Bella. All of them are, but you know I have your back, right? He's been asking about you since Friday and I've been ignoring him, so has most of the student body. They hate them almost as much as I do. None of them are in your classes so your Cullen free until lunch.''

I let out a sigh of relief, I was dreading having to sit in a 45 minute class with any of them. I told myself I was going to confront them, but until I'm ready I don't want to see a single Cullen.

I shook my head to show my understanding and Angela and I walked hand in hand into one of the worst days of my life.

All day I was constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure there wasn't a vampire on my tail. I didn't pay attention at all in class; that was normal for me now. Everyone was staring again, but I didn't know what they were staring for. Were they waiting for me to have a meltdown or to curse Edward out? Well if they wanted any of that they would have to wait a little longer. I still haven't quite made up my mind about how I wanted our first meeting to go, but I did know I was going to be furious. I didn't want Edward to see how upset I was so I was going to be angry instead. When I didn't know how to deal with a situation I turned to anger; it was an easy emotion to hide your true feelings behind.

When English was over I collected my things and ran to the cafeteria in hopes that they wouldn't be there yet and I didn't have to face them alone. The corner table where they normally reside was luckily vacant. I sat down and tried to catch my breath while I waited for Angela. The table started to fill up and I was thankful for the other bodies because they acted like camouflage for me to disguise myself in. Angels insisted that I eat something which wouldn't be such a bad idea since I am trying to keep up appearances so I take the apple off of her tray and take a massive bite.

All during lunch I could feel their gazes from the corner on my back, but I knew turning around wouldn't be a good idea so I just did my hardest to ignore it and pretend they don't exist which is a lot harder than I expected. The whole atmosphere was tense and it was so bad at a point I was going to bolt out of there to get some air, but I knew that would just start talk and I had to suck-it up and be strong.

After lunch Angela escorted me to Biology. She hasn't left my side all day and I'm so grateful to her kindness. I've never deserved it and I know I'm constantly in debt.

Biology holds so many memories that I wish I could forget but have infested in my brain. This is where we met, where we got to know each other, where I started to figure out his secret; some of the best memories reside here at this very table I shared with him.

And I hate it.

I want to leave this town and forget everything that has happened here or at least change the outcome of my birthday party. I never blamed Jasper for essentially hunting me. I was the careless one who had to ruin it because of a stupid paper cut. I knew Jasper was the newest to the vegetarian lifestyle and I knew my blood's temptation was too great for him to disregard. I know Jasper was ashamed for what he did and I would never hold him responsible for Edward leaving; that was all Edward's decision.

I go to my last two classes as normal and breathe a sigh of relief when I see everyone file out of the room to go home. I scurried off to my locker and deposited my books. I searched around to make sure the coast was clear and I really wished I hadn't. At the end of the hallway Emmett stood with an overjoyed, but apologetic look on his features. I never realized how much I missed the man who was my brother in almost every way that mattered. But he did me wrong too. He left without even a good-bye. I bolted down the hallway, towards the side exit. I pushed past the sea of bodies, I even think I knocked a girl down but I was too caught up in my getaway to care. Normally Emmett could have caught me easily but since were in public his vampire speed is rendered useless.

I keep walking until I'm a few feet from the safety of my car when I bump into a cold stone wall.

Damn it. Silly me for thinking I could run away from a vampire.

The stone wall is tall and sculpted.

Edward.

Facing Emmett would be an improvement than having to face him.

I'm stopped dead in my tracks and situate my gaze to his feet hoping that if I don't acknowledge maybe he'll go away. But I know he can see me and I'm positive he can hear my frantic heartbeat in my chest as well.

His long cold finger reaches down and tucks his digit underneath my chin so that I become face to face with the last person I thought I would ever see again.

My dreams didn't do him justice .He looks even better than I remember.

If that's even possible.

His hair was still in the curly bronze disarray atop his head. His scent hit me like a ton of bricks and I almost fell weak at the knees. He was dressed in a simple white V-neck, dark wash jeans and leather jacket. It was simple but Edward looked stunning in anything.

I saved his eyes for last. They were that warm golden color that I've grown accustomed to. But they didn't hold the same glow. They held pain, sadness, longing. They had dark circles underneath them almost as if he was tired which I knew was impossible but to the unsuspecting human he just looked worn-out.

But part of me just ached to bury myself in his embrace and comfort the sad angel but my better judgment said "_No Bella, he left you, hurt you, he'll probably do it again, you can't trust him."_

He should be happy, I expected him to have moved on found another stupid human girl to infatuate himself with. Use his magical dazzling powers to con some other innocent girl to believe his lies.

My mind said one thing but my body just felt so overjoyed at Edward's presence it was hard to remember I was angry at him.

I have dreamed of this happening for months and what I would say to him but right know I'm drawing a blank. I have no clue what I want and I'm just so distraught.

Edward and I just stared at each other for the longest time in the middle of the now crowded parking lot. The whole student body was witnessing the reunion but I didn't care; if they're going to gossip at least it will be true.

I wanted to move and get out of his path but my legs were frozen. His gaze was just so hypnotizing I couldn't break the spell. Eventually he snapped out of whatever trance was holding him and said,

"Bella I'm so sorry this wasn't supposed to happen and I regret my decision to leave you. I love you. I never stopped; I thought about you every day. I was lying when I said I didn't love you, I just wanted to protect you from what I am. You deserve happiness and a long human life but I just couldn't stay away anymore….."

He continued speaking but it was too fast for me to be able to read but it's not like I was trying to anyway; I stopped listening after "I love you".

That didn't make any sense. He never loved me, he said so himself. Was he lying then or is he lying now?

I was aware of a pair of cold hands lock around my wrists and I immediately shied away from the contact. It wasn't Edward's fault; my brain knew it was him and that he wouldn't hurt me physically that is but my body knew that cold hands meant danger and my body was acting defensively. And to tell you the truth I really didn't want Edward to touch me; I can't think straight when he touches me. I wanted to have him hold me while I bawled for all the dreadful things that have transpired however crying is a weakness and I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

Edward had a look of hurt decorate his face. I wanted so much to apologize for making him unhappy but I have to stay strong; he hurt me, broke my heart he deserves some pain.

And with that I lost all sense of my sanity and spoke for the first time in 7 months.

"Liar".

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><p>Ok so Chapter 8. Wow. So Edward finally appeared, thank goodness for that. Any ways remember to review and I will hopefully see you next week. Bye!<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

Ok so I left chapter 8 right before Bella told him off so here's chapter 9. I thought you guys have been good so you deserve to get , This chapter is also Edward's take on Bella's confession.

_Disclaimer: All rights belong to S.M._

_Previosly: And with that I lost all sense of my sanity and spoke for the first time in 7 months._

_"Liar"._

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><p>BPOV<p>

He didn't speak just had his mouth open like a fish. The other Cullen's had similar expressions and I couldn't hide the smirk that crossed my face. I guess they didn't think I had it in me.

I continued, "I guess you're not going to answer so I'll just tell you anyway, I lost my hearing that night.

"What"? , Edward asked in utter disbelief.

And just to prove my point I sign, "Do you know how it happened, wait don't answer that because of course you wouldn't know you disappeared."

He looked taken aback by my gesture. I know he understood me Edward actually showed me a little bit over the summer.

"Yeah so I was so upset that you were gone that I didn't hear someone approach from behind me. Guess who, James.

He looked at me like I've gone mental. He looked so confused and so unprepared for my outburst but that was kind of the idea.

I leaned in and whispered in his ear, "But that's the worst part before he took my hearing he took virginity. He took advantage of me and it's all your fault. My virginity was meant for you and now James has claimed it. He raped me so hard I can't ever have kids and all this happened because you wanted to "protect me"."

I was screaming by then, I didn't care that the whole school was here they were bound to find out anyway. I turned away from him to address the rest of his family across the parking lot.

"And you all are no better. How could do you just leave me without even a good-bye. I expect something like that from Rosalie, but not from the rest of you. Alice you were my best friend how could you just up and leave like that and Emmett I cared about you too, you were like a brother to me and you hurt me."

"Love…"

I shot back towards Edward's face and screamed "NO, I'M NOT YOU LOVE. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE AND YOU BLEW IT. GO FIND SOMEOTHER GIRL TO BELIEVE YOUR LIES BECAUSE I REFUSE TO BE HER."

I really wanted to slap him, but I knew I would be the only one who would actually get hurt. While I was still on top I turned around, got in my car and sped away. But not without getting a good look at the Cullen's before then. Edward looked livid, like he was about to murder and the rest of the Cullen's didn't look much better. Alice was shaking and had her head pressed into Jasper's chest. The kids who watched the whole showdown are still in their places, probably in shock. I even saw some teachers in the mix. I'm honestly proud of myself for actually telling him off. I thought I would feel better but I'm just as miserable as I was before. It felt good to vent but nothing was solved. Edward still left, he still lied, I was still raped and I'm still deaf. But did he really lie to protect me? Because if that is the case then he's even more stupid than I thought. His entire little plan did was heartbreak and disaster. I'm just so upset, I really shouldn't be driving but my better judgment has been absent lately. I mean I fell in love with a vampire for God's sake.

I really didn't want to go home where Edward could come and find me so I took off in any direction. I didn't know where I was headed or what I thought I would find but I knew Forks didn't hold the answers. I got on the highway and just drove. I loved driving my Porsche. I loved the old Chevy truck but It couldn't go over 50 mph. My Porsche makes me feel alive and free. It's like it just me in the world me, and my car.

I kept on driving until the highway stopped and I had to turn back or else I would run out of gas. The whole way home I thought of Edward. All the terrible things he did, how much hurt he inflicted on me. What I don't understand is that we were happy, only a happiness Edward could provoke in me and he just threw it away. He didn't talk to me or think about what I wanted he just decided on his own to leave me behind. He turned his back on our love.

Do you ever feel like your drowning? That even if you gete pulled out of the water you still face hypothermia. I feel like that. No matter if I my problems get resloved I will still have to face the effects.

I was in no hurry to get home. Charlie should be home by now; probably has a search party out for probably heard about my little show this afternoon, news always travels fast here.

I pull into the driveway and an angry Charlie comes out to greet me. He's yelling and trying to do sign language at the same time and I wouldn't recommend he do it again. I was in no state of mind to deal with my father so I just grabbed my book bag and walked to my room-Charlie didn't try to stop me;he was smart.

I didn't feel like getting ready for bed so I just ploped on it, still in my shoes, and stared at the small cracks in the ceiling.

He inflicted so much pain on me, he shattered me.

It's almost hard to believe how carefree I used to be; how happy I was.

Edward made me feel alive and beautiful.

I miss it. I miss him. I want to be in love like we were;there's just one problem.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again.

EPOV

I couldn't believe my angel standing in front of me. I had the urge to pinch myself to make sure this wasn't another mirage. I have been waiting for this reunion for far too day I just wanted to take her in my arms and kiss those delectable lips of hers She looked even more beautiful than I remember. Her mahogany hair had grown about an inch; she had on a billowing purple blouse that accented her tiny curves and waist. She looked thinner than before and there were dark circles beneath her chocolate orbs. God how I've daydreamed about those chocolate orbs, but in my fantasies her eyes were happy not gloomy and dull as they appear before me. But she still was the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.

I only left to protect her. I endangered her every day by being around my family and I put my own wishes aside to ensure she got the human life she deserved. I only hope she can understand my motives. She was so pure and innocent that I couldn't bear the pain I was about to inflict on her. The way she pleaded with me to stay and how she apologized for things that weren't even in her control, it made it so much harder to lie to her. That was the only thing I had left to convince her I was no good for her. But I have to make this better. I miss her and I will beg and plead for as long as it takes to earn back her trust.

"Bella I'm so sorry this wasn't supposed to happen and I regret my decision to leave you. I love you. I never stopped; I thought about you every day. I was lying when I said I didn't love you, I just wanted to protect you from what I am. You deserve happiness and a long human life but I just couldn't stay away anymore. I want you back. I miss you Bella and I'll always regret leaving you. But if you could just me the chance to explain…"

I noticed she hasn't even moved or made any attempt to speak. She looked in deep thought which I could only hope was in my favor. I was grateful she was even contemplating giving me a chance. So I just waited for her to decide.

I waited and waited but she was still in deep thought, I could tell by the way her small white teeth came into forceful contact with her bottom lip. If only I could read her thoughts; it would make things so much easier. What I wouldn't give for just a peak into her intriguing mind.

I eventually couldn't endure waiting anymore and I tried to rouse her from her motionless state by touching her wrists. I considered it to be a loving gesture but Bella flinched and made a quick attempt to be released for my grasp. I couldn't hide the look of hurt that overcame my face. I hated the fact that Bella didn't want my touch anymore; this showed me how badly I truly hurt her. I knew winning Bella back was going to be a very long process but I was ready a willing to do whatever it takes to have her back in my arms.

She and I just stared at each other for what seems like an eternity. I was about to speak again when she shocked me.

"Liar", she said, but it wasn't what she said that stunned me it was the way she said it. She spoke with such hatred and malice in her voice it was almost hard to believe that the very tone was uttered from her mouth.

By the thoughts of our peers surrounding us they were also perplexed by Bella's outburst. I had never seen her so angry, but I understood she had every right to be.

"I hate so much and you know what you can save your crap for someone who believes it. You're such a coward for running away from me. I LOVED YOU! And I thought you loved me but I was just stupid to believe your lies. Did you want to know what happened to me the night you broke my heart?" she spit at me. I couldn't believe this was my Bella. I was aware I was staring with my mouth open like an idiot but I couldn't find the strength to shut it.

"I guess you're not going to answer so I'll just tell you anyway, I lost my hearing that night.

"What"? , I said more to myself than to her. That can't be possible I left her in the forest she was safe. Who did that to her; I'll kill them for laying a hand on her.

"Did you not see the hearing aid wedged in my ear? I thought you were smarter than that Edward. This is the first time in months I've actually spoken. The only reason I have been able to understand you is because I've been reading your lips."

I never noticed the hearing aid I was too caught up in seeing her I never actually saw her. She looked normal. I never would have thought such a cruel thing could happen to such a wonderful, beautiful woman.

She took a deep breath and tried to calm her frenzied heartbeat. She looked at me with a piercing gaze and instead of using her words to communicate she used her hands and signed "Do you know how it happened, I went to open my mouth, but she cut me off, wait don't answer that because of course you wouldn't know, you disappeared."

I didn't expect her to do that. Her using sign language made it all the more real for me.

"Yeah so I was so upset that you were gone that I didn't hear someone approach from behind me. Guess who, James.

That's impossible. James was killed; Emmett and Jasper took care of even watched his torn body parts thrown into the fire. But Bella doesn't lie and even though it makes no sense I can't help but believe her claims.

Bella leaned in and whispered in my ear so close I could feel her hot breath, "But that's the worst part before he took my hearing he took virginity. He took advantage of me and it's all your fault. My virginity was meant for you and now James has claimed it. He raped me so hard I can't ever have kids and all this happened because you wanted to "protect me"."

Angry was an understatement on how I felt. I honestly felt bad for Jasper having to reign in all the unstable emotions, considering how my anger was making me shake. It took everything I had not to growl and race to find that bastard but I had appearances to keep up so I was forced to keep up my relatively clam demeanor. Why did men think they could just take advantage of women for their own selfish desires? Rosalie, even after decades, still thinks about it on a regular basis.

My male instincts didn't like the fact that James took away something that was mine. I knew that Bella and I were one day going to take the other's virginity, I'm furious that James stole that moment from us. I could never blame Bella for this but I'm sure she has found a way to blame herself; she always did. She was innocent, and I could never think any less of her because of this. He also claimed her hearing which is sacred to any livng being. My Bella now lives in a world of silence and I feel utterly powerless.

Bella deserves justice and I'm the perfect candidate to carry out such an enormous deed.

For the moment I was free of her tirade when she turned away from me to address my siblings across the parking lot.

"And you all are no better. How could do you just leave me without even a good-bye. I expect something like that from Rosalie, but not from the rest of you. Alice you were my best friend how could you just up and leave like that and Emmett I cared about you too, you were like a brother to me and you hurt me."

"Love…" I said in a soft tone, I was trying to reason with her; calm her down but I just made things worse.

She turned around so fast and screamed "NO, I'M NOT YOU LOVE. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE AND YOU BLEW IT. GO FIND SOMEOTHER GIRL TO BELIEVE YOUR LIES BECAUSE I REFUSE TO BE HER."

I had never heard her so viscous. This was a different Bella. A Bella, who is angry, damaged and guarded. I was speechless.

She sped off into the distance in her powder blue porshe and left me in utter shock. So much has happened to her and it's all my fault. I feel utterly sick. The whole parking lot is silent except for Alice's soft sobbing. No one knows exactly what to do. I just had to get out of here. I looked back at my family who looked shocked, ashamed and furious; suprisingly even Rosalie was upset.

I just needed to be alone for a while to get my thought together.

I was going to the meadow.

I got there in record time. This is a place I used to go to get away from the petty human thoughts and the constant love that my family was absorbed in. But this isn't just my place this our place.

Mine and Bella's place. I felt even lonlier here.

I moved to the center on top of a patch of dead daisies. The ground was still wet from the morning shower; the sun reflected of the rain drops to create a dazzling shimmer that equally matched my own.

The meadow, however, was deceiving me. Under its make-up, I saw what really was present.

The meadow looked abandoned, sad and lifeless.

How appropriate considering what I put Bella through.

I hurt the one person in the world who I yearned to protect. I put her in danger every second we were together. I had to protect her from the demon I was. She deserved a long human life with children, a husband and to be successful; that couldn't be achieved with me. I couldn't give her children or a happy life with all the moving our kind has to do to evade suspicion from humans. She deserved better.

At the time it seemed like the rational decision but now staying seemed like the better alternative. I could have saved the both of us from heartbreak if I just accepted her choices.

I know she wanted to be a vampire and give up her life for eternal darkness and I didn't understand it. I wasn't worth her sacrifice and I don't think she understood what a vampire life entailed. How my whole family, myself included, would do anything to be human again. Rosalie would even give up Emmett if she was given the chance.

I can only imagine all of the pain she went through in my absence. I was so sad that I locked myself away for months from everything that could remind me of her. I couldn't take being around the love my family members showed to their spouses so I packed up and left while they were on a hunt, not even bothering to tell them where to find me. Not that they really cared. They were all pretty mad at me; Alice and Emmett were the worst. I took away a best friend and a sister' they didn't even get to say goodbye. Jasper was mad that Alice was mad but he understood my wish to keep Bella safe. He also felt responsible for our leaving since he attacked her at the birthday party. I never blamed him, it was hard for him and I know all too well the temptation for her blood. Carlisle and Esme lost a beloved daughter. They would never say anything to me because they knew how hard it was for me to do that and didn't want to cause me anymore pain.

Rosalie was a different story.

She and I don't get along well at all and we probably never will but we both love each other even if we would never admit it to each other. She was furious when I announced to the family that we were moving. It wasn't because we were leaving Bella she couldn't be happier about that, she hated how a little human forced her out of her home her new life in Forks. She was so vain and selfish I didn't understand why Emmett put up with her even if she was beautiful.

They tried to hide some of their love when I was in the room but it didn't help any. I could still see it in their eyes and in their minds. The only thing that could help me was Bella, my long awaited mate, the love of my existence. She made me see the light in the darkness that is this life and what do I do, I lie and leave her.

I thought of Bella every day. I even would conjure up fantasies of her that turned out just to be dust bunnies or cobwebs in the corner.

I was so angry at myself at the universe for doing this to her, and James. I swear I won't rest until I tear him limb from limb and burn the pieces myself.

He's going to suffer.

He's going to beg me to end his pathetic use for a life before I'm done with him.

He hurt my Bella, injured her and defiled people so much as think inappropriate things about Bella I want to skin them alive, but there aren't words for what I want to do to him once I get my hands on him but James can wait a little bit; Bella is the top priority right now. I need to make it up to her. I need to show her how sorry I am. I know she hates me, I think I hate myself even more though.

It was approaching dawn by the time I left the meadow. Having no regard for time, I can sometimes stare at something for, to me seems like minutes but in all actuality it can be hours sometimes even days.

If I hurry I will have just enough time to catch a glimpse of my sleeping angel. I approached the modest white house and sprang up into the tree that leads me to Bella's window on the side of the house. I don't think I could sneak in without making any noise so I just perch myself on an out-stretching branch and watch her in slumber.

Her brunette locks were fanned across her pillow, her ivory skin glowed in the moonlight. She had her back to the window so I couldn't see the tranquil expression she always wore on her face as she slept. I wish I could sleep too. Escape from reality for even just a little while, but if I sleep I can't watch her and I wouldn't trade such an intimate moment for anything.

Bella started to stir and that's my queue to head home and get ready for the interesting day I'm sure to have. With one final glance I jump out of the tree and start running the familiar way to my home. The entire way, though, I couldn't help but ask myself the question,

How can I show her I love her and have her believe me?

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><p>Chapter 9. So I tried Edward POV. It took forever. And if your not a member here, I allow anonomous reviews because I think everyone deserves the right to state their opinion. Remember to review! Bye guys<p> 


	10. AN

A.N.

Hi everyone! I know I haven't been around in a while and I'm really sorry about it. School has been crazy and I have been having some health issues. But sadly I'm going to have to put the story on hold a little longer. I appreciate all the comments and the visits to the story. You guys are amazing and I promise to post soon but you have to wait just a little while longer.

I would love it if you guys had any suggestions or something that you want to happen in the story and either private message me or write it in the comments.

Bye for now,

Allie


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